the first installment in the Beautiful Souls & the marriage advice i'll never forget

It is hard for me to put into words just how lucky I feel that I have gotten to meet and love and learn from the families here at SAFI*

while i still have some time left here in Malawi, the families are heading back to their homes across Malawi maybe even as I write this sitting in a hostel in Zambia

I have been blessed with a lot of really incredible people in my life.

sometimes I think way more than the average human should be allowed to have and I think the world (slash the three people reading this) deserves to know about them.

Also, I really want to have an excuse to write about a couple of these families

So I hereby declare this as the first installment of 

~The Beautiful Souls Club~

Rosemary & Alidson

The first word that comes to mind when I think of this family is love.

~Love and sunshine and laughter~

Rosemary is one the most vivacious, silly, loud, loving, hospitable jokesters I have ever met. She speaks English very well and loves to chat and practice with the Azungus. She loves to talk about different cultural practices and expectations 

ie “soooo, you would or wouldn’t date a black man?... You mean it isn't normal to breastfeed in public *whips out breast to feed child/demonstrate* like this?? This is weird or what? Why is your hair so tall? Do you use chemicals? Why is some hair black and some light?"

she is charismatic and beautiful and I think is probably friends with everyone she has ever met.

Alidson is one of the kindest men I know. He is accepting and loving and god-fearing and wise.  

They have been married for 13 years.

I was blessed to spend a handful of nights in their home. They made us food and sang us gospel duets and told jokes and entertained the constant stream of people who stopped by to see what all the ruckus was about.

I think what stands out to me the most, though, is their apparent love for each other. In a culture where men and women usually sit on opposite sides of the room, unfaithfulness is not uncommon, and affection is almost taboo, Rosemary and Alidson will openly gush about their love for each other.

One night while chatting with Rosemary we asked her what the secret was to a happy marriage. She gave us a knowing smile and mischievous laugh and said we would have to come back the next night so that her and Alidson could advise us since “he loves advising and is very wise"

We returned as eager students and sat on the floor of their home with Rosemary and Alidson and his two brothers. Their four children, Praise, Glory, Wonderful, and Desire**, climbed all over us and there was the usual stream of visitors to listen or add their two cents.

As we passed the the basin around to wash our hands before dinner, Alidson holds it up for Rosemary and pours water over her hands and then they switch and she turns to me with a huge grin on her face and says “this is what family is”

~how to have a happy marriage according to two people I would really trust on the matter~

The most important thing is to always be understanding…to talk about everything  and to forgive one another because we all have some faults and not as good parts but we can’t keep bringing them up. You just have to understand each other about everything and don’t bring up in the past things because we have to be able to forgive

Communication is the next most important thing—being best friends and always being on the same page and talking about all parts of your day. 

It is important to have the same desires {specifically aligning intimate desires because “some days the wife just might be too tired because she has so many things to do throughout the whole day and even though the man is always ready to be intimate he has to be kind and understanding”

                …and I know you are wondering how that wasn’t awkward to have a birds and          bees talk but it just wasn’t}

We talked about what it means to love someone and how you have to decide what kind of culture you will raise your family in because you can’t look to other families and be jealous or envious.

Alidson assured us that even though the man is the head of the family many people misinterpret that to mean that he is the boss, but actually the woman is the neck and he can’t look anywhere without her (he actually said that and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t quoting My Big Fat Greek Wedding). He reminded us that Jesus is the only real head of a marriage and both husband and wife must be God-fearing. 

But mostly I just loved watching them interact. Counseling with each other in Chichewa, deciding on an answer with lots of laughs in between and then translating an answer for us in English.

When asked what it means to love someone one of his brothers, Blessings, responded that “love is simply when you completely understand one another and do everything you can for each other to be happy”

Yes.

I know this is getting long and most people have probably stopped skimming by now but the second addition to the ~~Beautiful Souls Club~~ is actually one of Alidson’s brothers and his wife (I think they just have really great genes)

Dickson & Martha 

Modesta, Martha, Dickson, and Milika

 As part of our project we got to interview each of the families about their experiences at SAFI and the first time I knocked on their door, they were in the middle of lunch but instead of being annoyed at the interruption like most humans would be, they insisted that I join them. After we finished with the interview they sent me off with a huge bag of ground nuts as a gift. Small gestures but such a simple way to show kindness and love and hospitality

Dickson’s English is great and he invited me over often so that we could chat and practice. 

Martha speaks virtually no English but is the giggliest and happiest woman I have ever met. It took us a while to learn how to communicate with each other but after a while we figured out that we could just sit next to each other and put stickers on each other’s faces or dance together or just look at each other and laugh.

Their home is another that is full of love and acceptance and happiness and light. 

 At the end of our interview I always ask if there is anything they would like to add.

Dickson added a prayer for each and every person that had made SAFI possible. He said he knew that he and his family had learned so much and that they would be part of the changes that could help make Malawi self-sufficient. 

& it’s amazing because it is true

People like Dickson and Martha work so hard. They are proud of their successes and improvements and encourage everyone around them to live to a higher standard as well.

When I stopped by early in the morning to say goodbye they were waiting with another big bag of groundnuts and a list of contact info in case I am ever in Malawi again

I wish I had time and energy and space to write about every family we had the privelage of interacting with

Each and every one belongs in the Beautiful Souls Club

I am going to miss these families. Not just the two I mentioned but all of the homes that we got to visit and chat with and laugh in. I am going to miss the kids and their laughter and silliness and willingness to entertain us and play with us.

I have been thinking a lot about how sometimes I don’t really feel like it is super fair that we often have very fluid relationships, even with people who have great impact on our lives.

It makes my heart ache to think about all the people we will love throughout our time on earth and how rare it is that we will ever see some of them again

But then I got to thinking about the alternative...which is what? 

Never having met any of them? 

Not ever developing the relationships that I did?

Of course I don’t wish that

So I think that’s the lesson that I am learning. It is not that we can’t be sad when we part ways with people that we love—of course we can.

But more important I think it is just being thankful that Heavenly Father or the universe or coincidence or whatever you believe in brought us all together.

I know this isn’t revolutionary. 

And this isn't the first and definitely won't be the last time I say see ya later to people who mean a lot to me

But is has just been a good reminder in my life

Whatever we believe, I know I find comfort and excitement in the idea that we will all end up the same place, somewhere, someday and it will be a beautiful reunion.

head-hugging goodness

When I started this blog I didn’t intend for every post to be a sappy story about how much I just love everyone (honest)

There are a lot of other things going on as well (coming attractions include petting lions and walking cheetahs)

But when I look back and read these I want to be able to remember specific people and conversations

I want to be able to remember the love I feel so often and the light and warmth that emanates from these beautiful beautiful souls

I hope and pray that there will be a time in my life where my home is full of love and happiness and light and that I can turn to my guests with a smile and say 

“this is what family is”

*SAFI= Sustainable Agriculture for Family Independence.

Quick explanation if you care: Families spend one year at the school learning skills like crop production, irrigation, livestock, fisheries, agribusiness etc. They spend the next year back in their villages (families are chosen from all over the country) applying the skills they have learned in their home as well as (ideally) teaching their neighbors. 

Obviously it is a much more in depth and complex process and if you are interested in learning more let me know so we can chat about it

**in Malawi it is very common to name children after the first emotion that is felt after they are born. 

This results in a plethora of Happys and Blessings and Gifts. I think it is really beautiful and special and is something we should adopt in the U.S.